Beard One: "What you need is one of my crystal essences."
Beard Two: "how d'you make them then?"
Beard One: "well, I make them during the summer. I get spring water, and I put the crystal in it. Leave it in the sun, see. Then the sun energises the crystal, and the water catches the energy."
Beard Two: "yeah? Then what?"
Beard One: "Then I get organic brandy, mix that with the water, and bottle it for later."
At this point I was turning blue with the effort of keeping my face straight.
It makes homeopathy sound scientific.
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